you ever had a few too many and
regretted some of the things you
did the night before? The
more intense the argument, the
more we shift into blame, and
the more we blame, the more we
lose sight of our own actions.
Anger and drinking have similar
effects! And don't get me started
about what happens when anger
and drinking happen together!
as we calm down enough to get
perspective on what has happened,
we can see the toll our actions
have had on others - especially
when we have been hostile and/or
violent! If an angry outburst
is like a car backfiring,
hostility and violence
toward others is akin to the detonation
of an atom bomb!
The devastation is severe
and the fallout is long
these conditions, even the sincerest
apology has little to no effect
on the ones we scare/hurt. Many
spouses say to me, if she/he could
only see what is in my heart and
could only feel how sorry I am
for what I have done. Yet, despite
these sincere attempts, sorry
is often never enough!
other men and women
are so ashamed of what they have
done that they cannot even face
up to their violence. Instead
they try to minimize
it, outright deny it, rationalize
it, and even put the blame on
their partner! Expressions
such as these are ways of side-stepping
it often does not stop there.
When under the influence of shame
about their violence, people often
try to persuade others that their
actions are justified.